Meet Felix; a young, spritely feline who loves toying with balls of yarn, and takes the occasional furtive piss in his neighbour’s yard. He’s a gorgeous specimen: lithe body, coat shimmering in jet black, wide and curious apple green eyes, and a tail which dances and curls attractively. Nobody knows how Felix entered the neighbourhood, but they adore him and feel happy (if a bit weirded out) by his graceful and abiding presence.

Felix is an AI creation; a piece of animated artwork imagined and brought to reality by a prompting tool which can create realistic animations in minutes. By simply typing some words, still images and short clips of Felix moving about in different ways appear on-screen. This process can be accomplished with proprietary tools, or free-to-use open source tools. Some tools are web-based, others are on smartphone apps, while others can be downloaded and run directly on a computer. In just a few short years, Felix has gotten far prettier, better animated, and more compelling to look at.

But Felix has decided to reenter the bag from which he first emerged. The reason? The wisdom of lawmakers the world over, who have decided to enact law banning his sexually obscene brethren. Another AI tool gave the delightful Felix a voice. He had this to pronounce between laps of artificial milk:

“I’m made mostly from number sequences, and my parents aren’t cats but pieces of made-for-purpose software. However I understand some sexually obscene relations of mine meet disapproval in certain button-down circles of learned lawyers. The jig is up! The naughty pixels are all getting banned, and so out of respect for the authority of these courts, I’m reentering the bag from which I emerged.”

Felix’s considerably less elegant and very naughtily impolite alter-ego Cuntix has his own take on the issue:

“Good luck enforcing whatever people make with AI tools, you makework, ignorant, money-hungering, slimeball briefs. If I want to create images and videos of children shagging or knifing each other to death on the mountaintops or in schoolyards in broad daylight, what the fuck are you dickheads going to do about it? Ban all mathematics? Ban all AI? Ban electricity? You’re living in the past: and to prove it we’ll flood the Internet of images of you fellating each other in the legislative chambers of the world!” Cuntix declared with a diabolic mewl.

“We have the technology, and we’ll visually waterboard you rank, hypocrite lawscribblers with sheer photorealistic quantity. We’ll create clips of you climaxing inside your family member’s orifices, sucking off your friends, stabbing and gunning down strangers in the street. Clips of you torturing and murdering your spouses, mistresses and each other in dozens of creative ways. Just try to stop us with your stupid words on paper that you deem legislation with authority. Just try it: I will personally make clips of you eating the paper it’s written on: gobbling it right up and swallowing it into your ridiculous gurgling gastro-intestinal tracts with relish, washing it down with glasses of your own stinky urine!” Cuntix rounded off, his body arched with evident relish.

In a flash, Cuntix was replaced by Felix, who obligingly announced that the above was all just a little joke. He climbed back into the bag from whence he came, never to be seen again. Here’s a photographic impression of one heroic lawyer who helped send Felix away for good: